What they once were
by lvsvu727
Summary: "Sometimes I feel like those two know something we don't"
1. Chapter 1

This story is set about a year and a half after Nick and Amanda have joined the team. Munch is still there.

* * *

It was another day at SVU. Everyone was working. The new kids as Fin called them had been working there for about a year and a half. Olivia, Fin, and Munch had all grown fond of them. Amanda Rollins and Nick Amaro were hardworking, dependable, trustworthy and compassionate everything SVU needed. They just had few kinks to work out but overall everything was good.

"Possible child abduction" says Olivia. "License plate wx22572u red Volvo"

"I'll take it" says Amaro

I'll go with you" says Rolins

"Alright" says Olivia "call me when you've talked to the mother"

They walk out

Olivia turns to Munch and Fin "you ever get the feeling those two have some deep dark secret we are all unaware of"

"yeah I know how you feel" Fin says

* * *

Amaro and Rollins are driving to the abducted child's house

"How's everything?" Amaro asks

"Good" answers Rollins

Amaro looks at her

"you know what I mean"

"I know…and I'm good I'm staying away from all the bad influences and going to meetings once a week….what else do you wanna know? Is that all dad?"

"you know I'm just concerned about you"

"if I wanted you in my life I would of kept you in my life" she answers seriously

Amaro feels hurt

"Look I didn't mean to pry"

"it's ok let's just go in we're here"

* * *

Inside the house

"My girl's a good girl she wouldn't just run away" says an older lady sitting next to her husband

"Do you have a current picture?" Rollins asks

"yes it's right here" the lady hands it over to her

Rollins stares at the picture. It's a young girl with bright blue eyes and blond wavy hair she's about fourteen. It reminded Rollins of herself at that age.

"Thank you, we'll be in contact as soon as we find anything out" Amaro says to the parents

They walk out the door.

"So what's your take on this?" he asks Rollins

"Could be anything, abduction, runaway, boyfriend…..I mean you know what it's like around that age"

"ha" he chuckles "yeah I do, Miss Amanda Rollins"

She smiles at him "ahhh to be young again"


	2. Chapter 2

**Flashback:**

Young dark haired boy approaches a pretty petite blonde about 16 years old.

"Hi"

"Hello"

"The song on the jukebox is for you"

"_Uptown Girl" _starts playing

_Uptown girl  
She's been living in her uptown world  
I bet she's never had a backstreet guy  
I bet her momma never told her why_

_I'm gonna try for an uptown girl  
She's been living in her white bread world  
As long as anyone with hot blood can  
And now she's looking for a downtown man  
That's what I am_

_And when she knows what  
She wants from her time  
And when she wakes up  
And makes up her mind_

_She'll see I'm not so tough  
Just because  
I'm in love with an uptown girl  
You know I've seen her in her uptown world  
She's getting tired of her high class toys  
And all her presents from her uptown boys  
She's got a choice_

_Uptown girl  
You know I can't afford to buy her pearls  
But maybe someday when my ship comes in  
She'll understand what kind of guy I've been  
And then I'll win_

_And when she's walking  
She's looking so fine  
And when she's talking  
She'll say that she's mine_

_She'll say I'm not so tough  
Just because  
I'm in love  
With an uptown girl  
She's been living in her white bread world  
As long as anyone with hot blood can  
And now she's looking for a downtown man  
That's what I am_

_Uptown girl  
She's my uptown girl  
You know I'm in love  
With an uptown girl_

"Really? That's what you think of me" says the young blonde

"Am I not right?" says the young boy

"Absolutely not"

"Prove it go on a date with me"

She smiles at him

"Saturday night" she blushes

**End of Flashback**

* * *

Back at the precinct

"How'd it go?" asks Olivia

"Typical" Amaro answers

"It's a tough case we don't know if she went willingly or if she's really in danger" says Rollins

"We got a hit on the car she was last seen in, Fin and Munch are heading over there. Meanwhile contact someone who can go through her computer files" says Olivia

"On it" says Amaro

"Wait hold up" say Fin walking in

They all turn to him

"Found her, she ran away with a boy who stole his mom's car"

"Well that's great we did our job now it it's up to the parents to handle the rest" Olivia laughs

"Let's go grab a bite everyone it's been a hard day" Amaro says

"You buying" Fin laughs

They are all sitting around a table eating nachos, french fries, burgers and beers.

"Here you go Manda I know how you like your ranch" Amaro hands over the ranch to Rollins

"You sure know a lot about Amanda don't you" says Fin

Amanda laughs nervously

Olivia is a little Buzz after 3 beers

"Oh Karaoke, come one Amanda let's go" she says

The guys cheer them on

"Alright, what song shall we do?" Rollins ask

"I don't care you pick one"

Amanda Picks "Back to December" by Taylor Swift

They both start singing

_I'm so glad you made time to see me  
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?  
I haven't seen them in a while_

_You've been good, busier than ever  
A small talk, work and the weather  
Your guard is up, and I know why_

_Because the last time you saw me  
Is still burned in the back of your mind  
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die_

_So this is me swallowing my pride  
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night  
And I go back to December all the time_

_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you  
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine  
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright  
I go back to December all the time_

_These days, I haven't been sleeping  
Staying up, playing back myself leaving  
When your birthday passed, and I didn't call_

_Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times  
I watched you laughing from the passenger side  
And realized I loved you in the fall_

_And when the cold came, the dark days  
When fear crept into my mind  
You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye_

_So this is me swallowing my pride  
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night  
And I go back to December all the time_

_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you  
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine  
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind  
I go back to December all the time_

_I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile  
So good to me, so right  
And how you held me in your arms that September night  
The first time you ever saw me cry_

_Maybe this is wishful thinking  
Probably mindless dreaming  
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right_

_I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't  
So if the chain is on your door, I understand_

_But this is me swallowing my pride  
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night  
And I go back to December_

_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you  
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine  
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright  
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind  
I go back to December all the time_

Amaro feels a knot in his stomach

Rollins locks her blue eyes with his brown eyes

When the song finishes tears roll down Amanda's face and she walks offstage to the bathroom, leaving Olivia and everyone else confuse.

Amaro gets up and runs after her

"What was that all about?" Fin says

"Hell if I know…those two are crazy" says Olivia

"Alright Liv time to go, lets wrap up the rest of your burger" says Fin chuckling

In the back by the bathrooms

"Manda come out" Amaro bangs on the door

"Just go away" she answers

"I'm not leaving without you"

Fin shows up

"Hey need help?" he asks

"Nah I got this thanx" Amaro answers

"Alright I gotta get this one home, so I'll talk to you tomorrow, come on Munch!" he yells

"Everything okay?" asks Olivia

"Yeah Liv just let Fin take you home, we'll be okay" Amaro answers

"Yeah I gotta sleep, I got a headache" she says "see you tomorrow"

They all leave

"Is everyone gone?" asks Rollins as she slowly opens the bathroom door

"Yeah everyone's gone" he says

"I made a fool of myself"

"What are you talking about you did great" he laughs

She rolls her eyes at him

"Oh come on let me walk you home"

"Fine"

They start walking

"So why that song?" he asks

"what?" she asks "I don't know I just felt like singing it"

"Brings back memories"

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to do that" she says "but for what it's worth I am Sorry"

"For the song? Or ….." he drifts off

"You know for what"

"I thought we had agreed not to bring any of that up"

"Yeah I know, I'm sorry you're right"

"hey, wait stop" he stops her

"It was a long time ago we were kids" he says "This shouldn't hang over our heads forever mistakes were made but we moved on"

"You're right it was over ten years ago"

"ha" he chuckles "Alright Blondie let's get you home"

"Shut up"

They arrive at her door

He hugs her and kisses her forehead "Night Blondie"

She smiles "Night"

* * *

Next day

"Alright nobody bug me I'll be in my office…I have a mean headache" Olivia says

"Alrighty Sargeant" says Rollins

Amaro walks over to Amanda

"Bet you tired of all that paperwork….coffee break?"

"Sure why not" says Rollins

They walk out

"What's up with those two? seriously men" Fin says

"It's some sort of conspiracy I know it" answers Munch

Fin laughs


	3. Chapter 3

I know before I said Captain was still here but I think I'm just going to make Olivia the leader cause I like her to be in charge hahaha

* * *

Amanda and Nick are at a coffee shop

"Two Coffee please" says Nick

"I'll go grab a table" says Amanda

Amanda grabs a table across a young teenage couple, Amanda can't help but look at them

"Hey" Nick startles her as he hands her a coffee cup "is everything alright?"

"Yeah" she answers

"Manda I can't help but notice you have been a bit a sensitive lately and maybe we should talk about it, maybe it would do us good"

"No I don't think so" she answers clearly upset

Her phone rings

"Rollins" she answers "I'll be right there"

"I gotta go, theres someone visiting me at the precinct"

"Who?" asks Nick

She get's up quickly and says "my mom"

"Oh Shit" Nick blurts out and rushes to follow her

* * *

They both arrive at the precinct where Amanda's mom is sitting at her desk

"Ma' what are you doing here?"

"Well since I guess you don't have time to see your dear Mama I decided to visit you"

Her mom notices Nick behind Amanda who is trying inconspicuously to get to his desk

"who's this?" she asks

"This is dectective Amaro" answers Amanda nervously "He works here"

"He looks familiar, have we met before?" she asks Amaro

"I don't think so ma'm" answers Amaro

"Oh Okay…well Amanda dear I talked to your sergeant she said it was fine if you go to lunch with me so grab your coat"

She starts walking out

Amanda grabs her coat and quickly turns around to give Nick a nervous grin

He gives her a wink and a smile which makes her feel like everything will be okay

* * *

At the restaurant Amanda and her mom are talking

"You know Darling that man looks very familiar to me I can't shake it off"

"Ma' let it go"

"What? Is there something I should know?"

"No"

"Amanda be straight with me please, I don't want to argue"

"Why is it always arguing with you mother?"

"Amanda don't talk to me like that, you've always been such a smart mouth brat"

"Seriously mom"

All of a sudden Amanda's mom's eyes widen

"I know!" she says loudly "It's that boy"

"what boy ma', what are you talking about?" says Amanda

The man at your work Amaro whatever, it's that good for nothing loser you dated when you were a teenager"

"Don't talk about him like that"

"What? are you being slutty with him again?"

"not again mom"

"why didn't you tell me you were working with him"

"because it's none of your business"

"ha none of my business, I bailed you out back than don't expect me to do it again"

"Right because that's all that matters, you know what I'm 32 years old I don't need your advice"

She gets up to leave

"Don't come crying to me when he is done with you again"

Amanda turns around and smirks

"You never change mother"

* * *

Amanda walks into the squad room she is clearly upset

Nick rushes over to her

"hey what happened?"

Amanda looks around

"Hold on I'm going to ask Olivia if I can go home early, I'm not feeling well"

"alright" he says

She goes into Olivia's office

"Hey Liv"

"Hey, what can I do for you" Olivia looks up from her desk. She notices Amanda upset. He face is flushed and she looks like she's been crying

"I would like to go home early today"

"Sure, is there anything I can do to help?"

"I'm fine I just need to rest"

"ofcourse, there's not much going on here, go ahead and go home and rest. I'll see you tomorrow"

KNOCK, KNOCK

"Come in" says Olivia

"Hey Liv, sorry to bother but I just got a call from Zara's school, I have to pick her up"

"That's okay we'll be fine here"

"K thanx" says Nick

He walks out the squad room and downstairs outside the building

A few minutes later out of the building comes out Amanda

"Hey" says Nick

"Nick what are you doing here? I thought you went to pick up Zara"

"I lied"

"why?"

"because I thought you would need a friend right now"

She smiles

They start walking

"What did she say?" he asks

"Oh you know the usual" answers Amanda

"did she remember me?"

"yeah"

"I'm sorry about that"

"she has no right…." Amanda drifts off

"Oh Manda" he leans over and wraps her in a big hug

"Say it please"

"Blondie every little thing is going to be alright"

She loved the way he hugged her. The way he made her feel so safe in his arms. He always had. Many years ago and even now.


	4. Chapter 4

REVIEW PLEASE :) I hope you guys are liking it. I know I'm not perfect at writing but I just want to put my thoughts out there lol

* * *

It had been a couple days since the incident with her mother. Rollins was just trying to forget everything. But for some reason it kept nagging her.

Amaro walked into the precinct. There he was she thought so perfect. All of a sudden her mind when back to that night in December

**FLASHBACK:**

Knock

A young teenage boy about 19 stood at door with flowers

Young Blonde about 18 opens the door

"what are you doing here?" asks the blonde

"I had to see you" says the boy

"you shouldn't be here"

"run away with me, we can make a life we will be okay"

The blonde smiles

"I can't"

"I Love you"

"I don't" she lies

"How could you say that after 2 years"

"It was a mistake"

"why are you so scared of them"

"I am not"

"than?"

"Amanda" they hear someone yell "where are you?"

"I have to go" she shuts the door

A woman comes into the living room

"who was at the door Amanda?"

"no one" she says quietly as tears start rolling down her eyes

**END OF FLASHBACK**

"Morning beautiful" she hears someone say, this snaps her back to reality

"Morning" she smiles

"Olivia says she gave you the paperwork" says Amaro

"yeah it's right here" she answers

"you been working on it all by yourself, hmmm why do you have me for than?" he chuckles

She looks up from her paperwork. He's staring at her those rich chocolate brown eyes who had once known every inch of her. She feels her cheeks turning red. She decides to excuse herself to the restroom.

In the restroom she splashes water on her face and slams herself against the wall.

Hmmm she thought what is happening?

Suddenly Olivia walks in

"rough day already and it's only 9:30" she says

Amanda smiles

"everything alright?" asks Olivia

"yeah" answers Amanda

"you know I am not just a co worker, I am also your friend Amanda, you can come to me for anything we're all family here"

"I know Liv, Thanks"

They walk out of the restroom and get back to work

* * *

The end of the day comes along

"Night everyone" says Rollins

"you heading out already?" asks Amaro

"yeah, I'm a bit tired"

"I'll go with you"

"sure"

They grab a cab and head to her place

"this is your stop" says Amaro

"wanna come in?" she asks "coffee?" what just made her say that she thought

"yeah" he smiles

"ok"

They walk into her apartment

"I'll make the coffee" she says "than I want to show you something"

They take blankets and a coffee mug and go to the roof of her building.

"I like it here, I feel close to the stars" she chuckles "I know it's silly"

"It's beautiful and it's not silly at all" he says "you've always love the stars"

"yeah" she looks down

"remember when we used to go to the lake at night, we would lay on the grass and just watch the sky"

"ha, yeah remember when we got arrested for trespassing?"

"haha, your parents got so mad"

She laughs and sees him looking at her

He gently lifts her head and looks into her eyes

"It was perfect" he says quietly

He leans down and places a kiss on her lips. She backs away

"I'm sorry" he says "I shouldn't of done that"

"no it's fine, um why don't we just sit down for a bit"

"ofcourse, that's why we're here to look at stars"

Before they knew they were wrapped up in the blanket. They lay there in eachothers arms just watching the sky

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

A young woman is reading at a book store

A young man approaches her

"Amanda?"

She looks up from her book

"Nick"

"Amanda wow how you been?"

"I've been alright, how about you?"

"I've been great"

She smiles

"that's good"

"so what are you doing with your life? school, work?"

"yes I'm attending school"

"what are you majoring in?

All of a sudden they hear a voice

"Honey?" a young Brunette approaches them

"oh Maria" says Nick " this is an old friend"

"Amanda this is Maria…..my wife"

"your wife" she says kind of in shock "hello it's a pleasure to meet you"

"well we gotta run" he says but it was nice seeing you

He looks back at her for one last time as he walks out the bookstore

**END OF FLASHBACK**

* * *

Amanda and Nick wake up to the sun in their eyes

"whoa, Nick get up we're still on the roof" she laughs

"so we are" he chuckles

"come on let's go back downstairs, I'll make breakfast"

"don't go all out just for me Blondie"

"shut up" she laughs

Back at her apartment

Nick is munching down on delicious blueberry pancakes

"I gotta tell you these are actually good Blondie, who would of thought an uptown girl knew how to cook"

"hmph" she sits down next to him

"I'm kidding beautiful, don't get mad" he gives her a quick kiss on the forehead

Her heart almost melts

"I gotta go pick up Zara for the day but can I call you after I drop her off and maybe we can go out for dinner" he says as he is putting on his coat to leave

"sure" she answers

"wait, or you wouldn't want to go with us to the central park zoo would you? I'm sure Zara would love to see you"

"uh, actually"

He makes a puppy dog face at her

"fine! Only cause I want to see Zara"

"ok I'll go pick her up on the way back we'll pick you up, that'll give you time to get ready and do all those girly things you do" he laughs

"very funny" she says

"ok see you in a bit"

Later on that day Amanda and Nick are enjoying a nice time at the zoo with Zara. Zara is excited running from exhibit to exhibit

Nick and Amanda follow closely behind

Nick all of sudden takes Amanda's hand in his

Amanda can tell he is nervous

Instead of letting go she gives him a little squeeze to let him know it's okay

She didn't want to let go. This was perfect. This was them.

At the end of the night they drop off a very tired Zara. They head back to her place.

"I want you to come in" she says shyly

"okay" he answers

They are barely inside her apartment when she turns around and presses her body against his

"I need you, I want you, and I don't want fear to stop me" she whispers

"do you know how long I've waited for you to say that" he says as he begins to kiss her neck

Suddenly they're against the wall. He pulls her legs up around him and carries her to the bedroom

They fall onto the bed and make sweet love :)

* * *

Next morning she wakes up. She watches him sleep.

All of a sudden thoughts start rushing to her head. Here he is so perfect she thought how could she have done what she did so many years ago. He didn't deserve that. If he ever knew he wouldn't forgive her. That's why this wasn't suppose to happen she thought. Now that it did though she never wanted to let him go, not again. She was scared. She didn't know what to do. She didn't want to lose him.

What is Amanda hiding? What deep dark secret is she carrying?


	5. Chapter 5

Amanda hears a knock on the door. She goes to open it.

"Hello Darling" says her mom

"Ma' what are you doing here?"

"well I just hate how we left things at the restaurant"

"ok mom you're forgiven, I gotta go in to work, so bye"

"but it's Sunday"

"uh yeah I know I'm doing some overtime" says Amanda she is trying hard to get her mom out of the apartment

"why are you rushing me out?"

Unaware of what's happening Nick comes out of the bedroom putting his shirt on. Amanda's mom glares at him

"come on Amanda seriously" she says to her daughter

"Mrs. Rollins" starts Amaro but she cuts him off

"I don't want to hear it"

"Ma' can you just go please"

"why so you can open your legs for this good for nothing man so you can get in trouble again"

"Mrs. Rollins, I love your daughter" says Amaro

Amanda is a bit shocked at the revelation

"you love her?" says Amanda's mom "if you really love her than you should leave her alone, my daughter is too good for you she always was and all you did was ruin her"

"mom stop!"

"you're right she is too good for me but I'm crazy about her and I'm not the same boy I was back than"

"hmph…always getting into trouble, you could never afford her, and than to top it all off you knock her up"

"MOM!"

"wait, what?" says Amaro

Amanda's mom stares at her daughter

"he didn't know?"

"Amanda what is she talking about?" ask Nick

Amanda can't believe this is happening. She can't breath, she can't think

"I….." she starts

"you what Amanda!" Nick is starting to get upset

"I had a baby…your baby"

Nicks face goes pale

"you what?"

"Nick I'm sorry, I couldn't tell you…they forced me to give it up…I found out I was pregnant a few months after we broke up and by than you hated me….they said we were too different that you wouldn't be there for me that it was the best choice, that I could just forget it and move on and if I didn't they would disown me…I had no choice I couldn't raise the baby alone and you had left town nobody knew where you were"

"it was the best choice" says Amanda's mom

"the best choice!" screams Amaro "the best fucking choice"

"you saw me two years later at the bookstore you couldn't say anything!?"

"you were married by than, what was I suppose to say"

"I don't know how bout when we started working together at svu…..hey Nick by the way you have a kid somewhere out there"

"Nick" Amanda tries to get close to him

"get away from me, I can't even look at you"

"Nick Please"

"It's better this way Amanda"

"NO! it is not mom, I love him and no I don't care that we come from different backgrounds, or that he's not rich or that he's not everything that you wanted for me or that you want me to marry some rich douchebag, he always loved me for me and I him"

Nick looks at her but he can't help it he is so mad. He grabs his stuff and slams the door as he leaves.

"Just go mom, leave me alone" she says as she starts crying

"your father and I just wanted what was best for you Amanda" she says as she leaves

"he was" Amanda whispers

* * *

Amanda forces herself to go to work on Monday morning

She sees him working at his desk. She can't even look at him.

"Amaro, Rollins" says Olivia "I need you to go talk to this suspect"

Amaro stares at Rollins

"Sure Boss" he says

Amaro and Rollins are in the car heading over to suspects house

There's an awkward silence

"Nick" starts Amanda

"I don't want to talk about it" says Nick sternly

Amanda feels hurt

"Look" he says "I'm only here cause we gotta work together"

"I understand" she says

* * *

Couple of weeks pass and Nick has barely said two words to Amanda

"Rollins my office" says Olivia

She goes in

"Yeah, Liv?"

"what's going on?"

"what do you mean?"

"between you and Amaro"

Amanda takes a deep breathe

"I had Nick's baby" she blurts out

Olivia's eyes grow wide

"what?!"

"I mean" Amanda starts "12 years ago"

"what?!" Olivia is still confused

"we knew eachother when we were teens"

"ohhhhh I knew you guys were hiding something"

"and I gave it up and never told him…well now he knows and he hates me"

"I'm sorry to hear that….but I believe that was probably the best choice at the time"

"my parents forced me"

"I'm sorry" Olivia gives Amanda a hug "you'll get through this"

Olivia and Amanda chat for a while. Amanda tells her everything. Amanda feels relief having someone to talk to.

* * *

Later on at night. Amanda's phone rings.

Ring!

"hello" says Amanda


	6. Chapter 6

Short chapter and as you can probably tell by now I like including lyrics in my stories they inspire me lol

* * *

"I need you" comes a voice over the phone

"Nick?" Amanda says "are you drunk?"

"hold up listen to this"

"**Need you Now**" starts playing over the phone

_Picture perfect memories_  
_Scattered all around the floor_  
_Reaching for the phone 'cause_  
_I can't fight it anymore_

_And I wonder if I_  
_Ever cross your mind_  
_For me it happens all the time_

_It's a quarter after one_  
_I'm all alone_  
_And I need you now_  
_Said I wouldn't call_  
_But I've lost all control_  
_And I need you now_

_And I don't know how_  
_I can do without_  
_I just need you now_

_Another shot of whiskey_  
_Can't stop looking at the door_  
_Wishing you'd come sweeping_  
_In the way you did before_

_And I wonder if I_  
_Ever cross your mind_  
_For me it happens all the time_

_It's a quarter after one_  
_I'm a little drunk_  
_And I need you now_  
_Said I wouldn't call_  
_But I've lost all control_  
_And I need you now_

_And I don't know how_  
_I can do without_  
_I just need you now_

_Whoa, whoa_  
_Guess I'd rather hurt_  
_Than feel nothing at all_

_It's a quarter after one_  
_I'm all alone_  
_And I need you now_  
_And I said I wouldn't call_  
_But I'm a little drunk_  
_And I need you now_

_And I don't know how_  
_I can do without_  
_I just need you now_  
_I just need you now_

_Oh baby, I need you now_

"where are you?" she asks

"I was looking at pictures I have of us when we were young" he says "why did you do it?, how could you do this to me Amanda….I never stop loving you Amanda even when I was with Maria I thought of you….you were always the one…you hurt me bad when you shut the door the day I asked you to run away with me but now this is worst…." He trails off

"Nick where are you?" she asks again

"at my apartment"

"I'll be right there"

She rushes over to his apartment. Nick drunkenly opens the door.

"I'm sorry" she says "if I could go back and change it I would"

He drunkenly smiles at her

"Oh Blondie…you broke my heart" he points at her drunkenly

"you should lie down" she starts trying to get him to the bedroom

"no, no, no"

"yes"

She finally gets him to the bed. His weight brings her down on top of him.

"you're so beautiful" he says "oh God even after all this I can't get you out of my head"

She had to admit a part of her was happy that he was confessing his undying love for her

"I need you" he says once again

"ok" she says weakly

He starts kissing her furiously all over. He rolls her over so she's under him. He was the only one who could make her feel like this she thought. He always had. He knew exactly what to do and where to touch. Every time she was with him was like the first time they made love as teenagers, he was her first an experience she never forgot.

Nick wakes up all groggy. He looks over to his side at the beautiful figure laying next to him. He smiles.

"Morning" he says

"Morning" she turns around to face him "Nick, I don't know any other way to say it but I'm sorry, I know you'll never forgive me but if you gave me another chance I swear I'd love you right"

"I love you" he says "the past is the past, I've come to understand what you were going through and why you made the choices you made, it's hard but I do forgive you"

"you do?"

"yeah, I want us to start over"

"I want that too"

"I know I may not be perfect and I may not be able to give you everything you deserve but" she stops him

"I don't care about any of that, I never did, you should know that by now"

"I know but your family they hate me"

"I don't care what they think, we're grown adults, we pay our own bills and nobody has the right to meddle in our relationship"

He smiles at her

"you're perfect" he says

"no" she says "we're perfect"


	7. Chapter 7

**Flashback**

Amanda about 18 years old walks into her living room both her parents are there.

Her mother is reading a book. Her father the newspaper.

"I have to tell you something" it comes out a whisper she looks down

Papa, I know you're going to be upset  
'Cause I was always your little girl  
But you should know by now  
I'm not a baby

You always taught me right from wrong  
I need your help, Daddy, please be strong  
I may be young at heart  
But I know what I'm saying

The one you warned me all about  
The one you said I could do without  
We're in an awful mess and I don't mean maybe  
Please

Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep  
Papa don't preach, I've been losing sleep…

"I'm Pregnant"

Her parents stare at her in shock

**Flashback Ends**

It's another day at the precinct

A young girl about 11 or 12 walks in with an officer

Olivia comes up to them

"What can I do for you" she says

The officer replies "They said I should bring her here, both her parents were arrested on drug charges and the girl has signs of abuse, we weren't able to find any identifying information on her at the house she was living in, it's a mess, if they do try it'll take weeks and it looks like they didn't send her to school"

"Alright thank you officer" says Olivia "come with me sweetie"

The young girl looks scare her blue eyes are dim and her light blonde hair is in a mess

"What's your name?" asks Olivia

"Lux"

"alright Lux do you have a last name?"

"I don't know Veronica said I was nobody that my name was Lux nobody"

"oh Sweetie, I'm sorry about that but I bet Veronica was not very nice and I hope to change that situation for you, here let me introduce you to some friends"

"Rollins, Fin, Amaro" says Olivia "this is Lux, she's here so we can help her"

The young girl smiles at them

"Her name's what?" says Rollins

Amaro looks at her

"Lux" says Olivia "why?"

"um, no it's nothing" answers Rollins "I'll be right back"

Amaro follows her

"Babe what's the matter" he asks her

"nothing it's just, I haven't told you….they asked me to name her before I gave our daughter up at the hospital" she says " I named her Lux, Lux Rollins-Amaro, they said her adoptive parents might change it but I didn't care"

"Oh babe, but you know that's not her"

"I know the possibility of it being her is ridiculous but it sort of just took me back to that moment at the hospital"

"I know, come on we got a girl who needs us out there"

Rollins Smiles and they walk back to their desks. By now Olivia has given the young girl some chips and Soda.

Olivia talks to them on the side

"First thing we need to do is contact Social services, we are going to need their help in identifying her, than I want you two to drive her to the hospital so any abuse could be documented, by the end of the day Social services should have a place for her to go"

"Will do" answers Amaro

"I'll call social services" answers Rollins

After a few minutes Nick and Amanda drive Lux to the hospital

* * *

At the hospital

"I need one of you to be in the room with her since she's a minor, the social worker is not here yet and we need to get started" says a nurse

Nick looks at Amanda

"I'll do it" says Amanda

She walks into the room

"Hi" says Lux

"Hi sweetie" answers Amanda "I'm going to stay here with you while they examine you, is that okay?"

"Ofcourse, that's fine" Lux answers with a smile "I like your hair, you're very pretty"

Amanda smiles "Thank You" she holds her hand and the nurse begins the examination

After the nurse is done Lux tells them she's hungry so Amaro and Rollins decide to take her for Pizza.

They're all sitting around a table eating pizza

"I like you guys, you're cool" says Lux

Nick laughs "really, I thought we were uncool"

Lux laughs "nope, you're alright"

Amanda smiles as she says the interaction between them. She starts thinking about their daughter she would be around Lux's age.

"is he your boyfriend?" Lux asks Amanda

"why do you think that?" Asks Amanda

"The way he looks at you, I've seen it in the movies, when a boy really loves a girl he looks at her the way Mr. Amaro looks at you"

"Call me Nick" says Amaro

Amanda blushes after hearing what Lux says

"can I tell you a secret Lux?"

Lux gets all excited

Amanda leans into Lux "he is my boyfriend"

Lux giggles

"I'm sorry am I interrupting" comes a women's voice behind them "are you Amaro and Rollins, Sergeant Benson said I could find you here with Lux, I'm the social worker who will be taking over her"

Amaro shakes her hand "ofcourse, I think we're done here"

The social worker goes to grab Lux

"wait, I don't want to go" she screams "I thought you guys liked me"

"we do like you" says Amanda

"no you don't your letting her take me" she screams and kicks

Amanda gets upset and runs to the bathroom

"I'm sorry about that" says Amaro "Lux you have to go with her for right now, promise we'll see you again ok"

Lux stares at him mad and finally goes

He goes and knocks at the bathroom door

"Manda come out she's gone"

Amanda comes out

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't of reacted like that"

"I know why you did and I understand"

He kisses her

"Come on let's go home, we've had a long day"


	8. Chapter 8

A few days had passed since Lux had come into their lives both Amanda and Nick had visited her at the shelter she was staying at everyday. They were still trying to identify who she was and if she had any relatives.

One late slow evening everyone was working on paperwork at their desks. A radio was playing in the distance. Bryan Adams song "Heaven" came on

Nick walks up to Amanda and stretches out his hand towards her

"Will you dance with me beautiful?" he didn't care who was around it's not like they didn't know it was pretty obvious, they hadn't confirmed it but all he wanted was to tell the world

"yes" she smiles

They start dancing in the squad room. The room was crowded but for that moment it was only them too.

Olivia and Fin stand next to eachother and just smile

"Aren't they adorable" Fin Chuckles

"Yeah" says Olivia "hahahaha"

_Oh thinkin' about all our younger years_  
_There was only you and me_  
_We were young and wild and free_  
_Now nothing can take you away from me_  
_We've been down that road before_  
_But that's over now_  
_You keep me comin' back for more_

_And baby you're all that I want_  
_When you're lyin' here in my arms_  
_I'm findin' it hard to believe_  
_We're in heaven_  
_And love is all that I need_  
_And I found it there in your heart_  
_It isn't too hard to see_  
_We're in heaven_

_Oh once in your life you find someone_  
_Who will turn your world around_  
_Bring you up when you're feelin' down_  
_Now nothin' can change what you mean to me_  
_Oh there's lots that I could say_  
_But just hold me now_  
_'Cause our love will light the way_

_And Baby you're all that I want_  
_When you're lyin' here in my arms_  
_I'm findin' it hard to believe_  
_We're in heaven_  
_And love is all that I need_  
_And I found it there in your heart_  
_It isn't too hard to see_  
_We're in heaven_

_I've been waitin' for so long_  
_For somethin' to arrive_  
_For love to come along_  
_Now our dreams are comin' true_  
_Through the good times and the bad_  
_I'll be standin' there by you, oh!_

_And baby you're all that I want_  
_When you're lyin' here in my arms_  
_I'm findin' it hard to believe_  
_We're in heaven_  
_And love is all that I need_  
_And I found it there in your heart_  
_It isn't too hard to see_  
_We're in heaven, heaven_  
_Whoa, oh, oh!_

_You're all that I want_  
_You're all that I need_

_We're in heaven_  
_We're in heaven_  
_We're in heaven_

Suddenly a voice comes out of nowhere "well isn't that lovely?, I guess there's no work to be done"

They all startle and turn to look at the person by the door. It's a Tucker from IAB.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say that's not protocol" he laughs

Amanda and Nick quickly go back to their desk

"Sergeant, a word" he says

"After you" says Olivia

They go inside Olivia's office

"so it has come to our attention that two of your detectives are in some sort of relationship, apparently they even fathered a child together"

"Yes, well they did when they were young, the child was given up for adoption, it has nothing to do with their current lives"

"Are they currently in a relationship?"

Olivia hesitates to answer

"yes they are but that…" he stops her

"You don't think it's conflict of interest?"

"They are not partners"

"but they do work together?"

"yes but it hasn't and won't affect their work, I give you my word"

"that's a tough thing to give Sergeant, what if something does happen are you willing to put your career on the line for them"

"with all due respect sir, I would do anything for my team"

"if you say so than, we'll be watching you very closely"

He leaves. Olivia steps out of her office. Nick and Amanda look up from their desk at her.

She nods at them to reassure them everything's fine

* * *

Later on that night Nick and Amanda are walking home

"she didn't have to do that Nick" she blurts out

"what?" he says

"Olivia, she's protecting us, we knew this was gonna cause problems"

"everythings fine babe we just have to make sure our relationship sort of stays out of work"

"how can we do that?, when every day we risk our lives out there, I would never let anything happen to you Nick and that's what scares me"

"I would never let anything happen to you either"

"you've heard the rumors about Olivia's previous partner, he had to make a split second decision to save her life and in the process killed a young girl, he couldn't live his life like that so he left"

"that's not us, it won't come to that Manda"

"I really hope not"

Nick hated that Amanda was having doubts about anything that had to do with their relationship.

"I love you Amanda and if in the end it comes down to having to choose between my job and you, you will always come out on top" he says

"the worst thing they can do is transfer me and if that happens than, I'll still be in the same building, so whenever theres breaks or lunch or extra time I'll be right up there with you" he laughs "you'll probably even see me more and get tired of me"

"that's impossible" she laughs and leans in to kiss him

They keep walking hand in hand

"hey Manda I'm curious about something" he says

"What's that?"

"why Lux?"

"what?"

"why did you name our daughter Lux?"

Amanda stops and she faces him

"Because she was my little piece of life unexpected" she says smiling


	9. Chapter 9

A case worker walks into the squad room. She hands Olivia some paperwork.

"I'm sorry it took so long, our files were misplaced and our system was backed up" she says

"uh huh" Olivia takes the papers and begins to read

Her eyes widen

"Hey so what do we have?" asks Amanda

"uh" says Olivia

Amanda knows something is up. She takes the papers from Olivia and goes through them.

They say Lux is adopted. She looks down to the line where it says birth parents. She drops the papers and falls to a chair. Olivia does the same.

Nick comes over to them

"what's the matter with you two?"

"she's our daughter" Amanda manages to say

"what?! That's impossible" he picks up the papers from the ground. They confirm what Amanda has just told him. He leans against the wall with his hands on his head.

Everyone is silent not knowing what to say. Finally Nick speaks.

"what are we going to do now?"

Amanda looks at him "we….. fight for her"

Nick drops his hand in frustration and walks out the precinct, leaving a stun Amanda

"um…do you need time off?" says Olivia

"that would help" answers Amanda

She leaves

She couldn't believe what just happened. She had just found out Lux was really her daughter and Nick walked out on her.

* * *

A couple hours later Amanda was at her apartment. There was a knock on the door. It was Nick.

"what do you want?"

"I want to talk"

"I get it Nick, you didn't sign up for this"

"Amanda you have to understand this is not easy, we're not ready, you're not ready"

"Screw you, I'm ready and I don't need you!"

She tries to shut the door but he stops her

"Stop!"

"Get out!"

"No, Amanda it's been eleven years, what you think we can just pick her up and play house, it's not that easy"

"she needs us! She's been through hell for eleven years because of us"

"ha, because of you!" Nick screams quickly regretting what he just said

"GET OUT!"

"No, I get it you feel guilty, but I swear to you we can find her a good family"

"we're her family!"

"Amanda….."

"Leave…..now!"

She manages to close the door

She begins to cry uncontrollable she couldn't believe this was happening

* * *

Couple days later Nick is working he hasn't spoken to Amanda he felt awful for what he said. Fin approaches him.

"Hey man" says Fin "I know it's none of my business but what's going on with Amanda?, word is she's furious would you"

"I know, I've really fucked up….I told her we shouldn't keep Lux"

"come on man be honest with me"

"Believe me if I was sure of everything I would do it in a heartbeat, but I'm not. Lux is eleven years old, are we suppose to just walk in there and say by the way we're your parents. I keep thinking of Zara you know I was there for her since the beginning, I held her in my arms the day she was born. What am I suppose to say to Lux? Why wasn't I there? Why did I abandon her? Truth is I'm scared"

"Then tell Amanda that….but Nick why not take a chance Lux is your daughter just like Zara, it's still early you can still make it up to her and once you guys explain the choices you made when you were young I'm sure she would understand, she deserves a real family, she deserves you"

Nick stands there dumbfounded. Fin was right Lux was his daughter and no matter how scared he was he needed to be there for her and for the woman he loved.

* * *

Meanwhile Amanda was visiting Lux at the shelter.

"Hi sweetie, what you been up to?"

"Amanda you're here!" Lux gives her a big hug

"yeah I missed you"

"I missed you too" she smiles "look what I made for you"

She hands Amanda a painting.

"It's you, me and Nick, by the way where is he?"

Amanda doesn't know what to say so she changes the conversation

"Hey, how would you like to go stay at my house?"

"can I?"

Amanda nods

Lux shrieks "eeeek" as she jumps on Amanda

Amanda had filed the necessary paperwork to have Lux stay with her until a Judge could determine if Lux could be returned to her.

Amanda and Lux walked out of the shelter hand in hand. Nick was outside waiting.

"Nick!" yells Lux "you're here"

She runs up to him and gives him a hug.

Amanda stares at him clearly mad.

"why are you here?"

"I came to take you girls to eat"

"oh yes! That sounds great" says Lux "come on Amanda let's go"

Amanda complies only because she doesn't want to upset Lux


	10. Chapter 10

Amanda, Nick and Lux were at a kid friendly restaurant.

Lux was having the time of her life playing all the games and watching the shows.

Nick and Amanda are sitting at a booth table. Nick places his arm around Amanda.

"Forgive me" he whispers into her ear

His voice made her weak but she was still furious at him for the way he acted.

"you think it's that easy, you really hurt me Nick"

"I know and I'm sorry I was just scared, I'm still scared but together we can do it, we can raise her"

"where do we go from here?…..I don't even know"

"well we have to help her settle in"

"we still have a court date Nick…..I'm afraid they'll take her away"

"we're good people Amanda and we're her real parents"

"she doesn't even know that"

"we can talk to her tonight"

"what if she hates me"

"nobody could ever hate you love"

He smiles at her. She pretends to be mad but she understood why he was scared….she was terrified too.

"Come on, show me that big beautiful smile of yours"

She does a half smile and looks away.

He grabs her chin and turns her face towards him. He places a small kiss on her lips.

Lux comes back to the table. She smiles as she see their interaction.

"you ready to go kid?" says Nick laughing

"yup" answers Lux with a big smile

They all grab their things and head home.

Lux walks between them.

"Thank you" she mumbles

"what?" says Amanda

"Thank you" Lux says louder

"ofcourse sweetheart"

Nick couldn't help but smile seeing how natural mother instincts came to Amanda.

They get to Amanda's apartment. She has fixed a bed for Lux and has made sure she has everything she needs.

"Lux do you think we can talk for a few minutes" ask Nick as he sits down on the couch

Amanda sits next to him and Lux sits across them.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"no, no, no you didn't do anything wrong"

He begins "did you know that a long time you were adopted?"

"I didn't know"

"well the people you lived with were not your real parents"

"why, where are my real parents, didn't they want me?"

Amanda holds back tears "They wanted you more than anything Lux but it was hard for them to keep you and they thought they were doing the right thing….well your mom did…..you see your father didn't know about you when you were born"

Lux looks at them confuse

Nick steps in "your mom thought that there was a better family that could take better care of you she had no idea what would happen to you….I know that if she could take it back she would"

"so do you know who they are?" she says tearfully

"Lux, we are your parents"

Her eyes widen in Amazement and surprisingly she smiles

"you are….does that mean I can be here forever!"

"we want that more than anything" says Amanda

Lux hugs her "I understand mommy"

Amanda feels happiness rush through her body

Lux hugs Nick too

"Do you wanna watch a movie kiddo? He rubs her head

"yes please"

Lux felt so happy. She felt like her dream of a real family had come true.


	11. Chapter 11

The day had arrived.

Amanda was nervous. Nick and Liv were by her side. Lux had been taken by a social worker while the court hearing was in motion.

Fin ran into the hallway.

"Hey sorry I'm late, had an incident with my son" he hugged Amanda "everything will be fine partner"

"Is everything okay with your son?" asked Nick concerned

"oh yeah, yeah just some problems with his husband, nothing serious"

"oh that's good hope they work it out" smiled Liv

Suddenly they hear a voice "Amanda Rollins and Nicholas Amaro please follow me"

Everyone follows, they enter a small room.

"Please sit" says a middle age blonde woman

Next to her is Lux's social worker and another brunette woman who seemed to be taking notes.

"We are here for the custodial arrangement of…" the blonde woman looks at her paper work "Lux…..Rollins-Amaro, is that correct?

"yes" say both Nick and Amanda

"My name is Judge Conelly and I'm here to decide if you are suitable parents"

Amanda smiles nervously, Nick reaches out for her hand.

"It says here that she is your biological daughter, however you gave her up for adoption when she was born"

"yes that's correct" says Amanda "I was young and inadequate back than"

"and what makes you adequate now" says the Judge sternly

Amanda stays silent not knowing what to say so Nick steps in

"you see your honor, we are much more mature now, with stable jobs , a loving home and plenty of desire to raise our daughter"

"I see" the judge turns to the social worker

"may I see the home visit report"

The social worker hands the report

"you live in a one bedroom apartment?"

"yes" answers Amanda

"Do you both live together?"

"uh, well not at the moment but we are in the process, we are actually looking for a bigger place for all of us"

"I see" says the Judge lifting an eyebrow

"and you both are cops?"

"yes"

"so do you think this is a safe environment for the child?"

"cops have kids all the time we have the right to have children" says Nick firmly

"yes but usually it's only one parent with the occupation, have you thought of what would happen to Lux if something were to happen to you?"

Nick obviously annoyed sits back in his seat

"Look all we want is to correct the mistake we made as teens, she's our biological daughter you have no right to keep her from us"

"I have the right the make sure she is safe"

Olivia steps in "I can assure you Amanda and Nick are the parents that Lux needs and deserves, they are two of the most loyal people I have ever known and you would be making a bad decision if you decided against them"

"I see and you are?"

"I'm their Sergeant Olivia Benson"

The judge turns to Fin "and you?"

"I'm Amanda's partner and I can vouch for them as well"

"Ok let me look at all the paperwork I will make my decision in an hour"

Nick holds Amanda's hand and they all walk out.

They stand in the hallway. Amanda starts pacing back and forth.

"she didn't like us, she's going to take Lux away" she says very upset

Nick stops her and wraps his arms around her "no, it'll be okay, they won't take her from us"

Olivia looks at Fin with a worried expression. They feel helpless looking at their coworkers and friends in such a desperate position.


	12. Chapter 12

Amanda and Nick are called back into the room.

Nervously they sit down.

"I have come to a decision" says Judge Connelly

Amanda takes a deep breath and Nick holds on to her hand in support.

"seeing as you are the biological parents, I see no reason not to grant you full custody as long as you make full arrangements for Lux in case of any incident you may have on the job"

"yes ofcourse" exclaims Amanda

Nick and her look at each other in excitement. They both turn around and look at their partners who are smiling at them joyfully.

Amanda and Nick reunite with their daughter who is ecstatic to see them.

"Mom! Dad!"

"Hey baby" Nick grabs her in a hug and lifts her up

"where are we going?" ask Lux

"we're going home sweetie" says Amanda

"forever"

"yup forever" smiles Amanda

* * *

Soon Amanda and Nick had found a bigger place to live. Plenty of room for Lux and for Zara and Gil to come visit.

They were happy and content. Amanda and Nick knew they had everything they needed. All the love and happiness they could possible need and they weren't going to let anything or anyone bring them down.

* * *

The End


End file.
